The Desert
Last weekend I went to the desert. I always rant and rave about how much I love the desert, and how I can appreciate its beauty when others can't (I can be such a snobby-hippy-elitist if I'm not careful), and how full of life the desert really is, but I hadn't actually been to the desert in almost 6 months. This recent trip was rejuvenating, to say the least. It was brief, only one night, but enough to paint a new picture in my mind that I can meditate on for a dose of spontaneous serenity to last me until the next trip, which will hopefully be very soon.
It is difficult to pin-point exactly what it is about the desert that is so attractive to certain types of souls. The desert has a certain exotic stillness to it, that is foreign and simultaneously comforting. Many people are simply struck by its uniqueness. Its so odd, so different, from the ecosystems we are generally most familiar with, you can't help but be struck by its beauty. Indeed, many desert visitors liken it to landing on the moon. Because its been so wet in So Cal of late, the desert's moonscape was splatter-painted with purple, yellow, and pink reminders that life is actually quite vibrant in the desert.
Those of you who know me, know I am not a low-energy, sit quietly type of person. In the desert, and in natural areas removed from civilization in general, I'm still moving, talking, and being constantly, but its more serene. I am not thinking about all my responsibilities, or even my immediate goals and aspirations. When I awoke early Monday, I stepped out of the tent and saw nothing but the desert, and it was such a wonderful feeling---purity is the only way I can try to explain it. No alarm clock, no noisy street, no 6am news broadcast. Just the desert in all its splendor.
Recently, I have been re-thinking my life goals. Yesterday, I had what I was calling a mini-mid-20's-life crisis. I've figured it out now, crisis atleast temporarily adverted-because a career counselor told me today that I was in a healthy, normal area of career-oriented doubt and confusion. These feelings of "I'm not so sure what I want to do with my life" starting creeping in while I was in Virginia. I used to plan on being a marine biologist. Not so sure I want to work with just marine ecosystems any more. I used to want to be a professor. Pretty sure I don't want to get into acadamia any more, nor do I even want to get my PhD any more. I think that I should be able to find a job that meets my needs for happiness with just a masters (I'll admit, some of these feelings have stemmed from a bad case of fifth-year-senioritus). I still want to have a career in environmental science or conservation biology--that much hasn't changed. However, I am no longer sure what direction I want to take with it. This week, all I can think about is how I wish it would stop raining so I could get back to the desert. To get back to nature. I kept thinking how great it was to hike, to be outdoors, intimate with the earth. The relationship I have with the environment, this longing to get closer to nature every chance I can---this is why I chose ecology. Not so I could sit behind a computer calculating stock assessments for agencies that won't even listen to my conclusions!
The rekindling of my motivations occurs every time I manage to break away from University life to the great outdoors. This is sort of common sense. Of course an environmentalist feels motivated after spending time in the environment! But its such an important part of who I am, I have to highlight it nevertheless. I may not know exactly what I want to do with my life anymore, but I know I will be making it back to the desert again as soon as possible, and that having intimate moments with mother nature must always be a main thread in the fabric of my life, whether my career or my hobby---nature feeds my soul, which can start to get pretty hungry in a metropolia like San Diego. A genuine joy for the outdoors will always be the defining characteristic of my person---the serenity granted by the desert included. God grant me serenity. God grant me the desert.
If you would measure the quiet majesty, the beauty, the sanctity of the [desert], do it with a two-foot rule. Automobiles,... trail bikes, ATVs or whatever, will get you to the [desert] and through the [desert], but to be a PART of the great sanctuary -- walk. And when you walk, observe, and think. Look thoughtfully at all of the things about you. Ponder over them. They are beautiful, silent. And above all things on earth, they are honest. And they are at peace. Let them remind you that you owe your allegiance not to you and your kind, but to them and their kind, for they are nature.
--Unknown, edited
Beyond the wall of the unreal city, beyond the security fences topped with barbed wire and razor wire, beyond the asphalt beltings of the superhighways, beyond the cemented banksides of our temporarily stopped and mutilated rivers, beyond the lies that poison the air, there is another world waiting for you. It is the old true world of the deserts, the mountains, the forests, the islands, the shores, the open plains. Go there. Be there.
--Edward Abbey
It is difficult to pin-point exactly what it is about the desert that is so attractive to certain types of souls. The desert has a certain exotic stillness to it, that is foreign and simultaneously comforting. Many people are simply struck by its uniqueness. Its so odd, so different, from the ecosystems we are generally most familiar with, you can't help but be struck by its beauty. Indeed, many desert visitors liken it to landing on the moon. Because its been so wet in So Cal of late, the desert's moonscape was splatter-painted with purple, yellow, and pink reminders that life is actually quite vibrant in the desert.
Those of you who know me, know I am not a low-energy, sit quietly type of person. In the desert, and in natural areas removed from civilization in general, I'm still moving, talking, and being constantly, but its more serene. I am not thinking about all my responsibilities, or even my immediate goals and aspirations. When I awoke early Monday, I stepped out of the tent and saw nothing but the desert, and it was such a wonderful feeling---purity is the only way I can try to explain it. No alarm clock, no noisy street, no 6am news broadcast. Just the desert in all its splendor.
Recently, I have been re-thinking my life goals. Yesterday, I had what I was calling a mini-mid-20's-life crisis. I've figured it out now, crisis atleast temporarily adverted-because a career counselor told me today that I was in a healthy, normal area of career-oriented doubt and confusion. These feelings of "I'm not so sure what I want to do with my life" starting creeping in while I was in Virginia. I used to plan on being a marine biologist. Not so sure I want to work with just marine ecosystems any more. I used to want to be a professor. Pretty sure I don't want to get into acadamia any more, nor do I even want to get my PhD any more. I think that I should be able to find a job that meets my needs for happiness with just a masters (I'll admit, some of these feelings have stemmed from a bad case of fifth-year-senioritus). I still want to have a career in environmental science or conservation biology--that much hasn't changed. However, I am no longer sure what direction I want to take with it. This week, all I can think about is how I wish it would stop raining so I could get back to the desert. To get back to nature. I kept thinking how great it was to hike, to be outdoors, intimate with the earth. The relationship I have with the environment, this longing to get closer to nature every chance I can---this is why I chose ecology. Not so I could sit behind a computer calculating stock assessments for agencies that won't even listen to my conclusions!
The rekindling of my motivations occurs every time I manage to break away from University life to the great outdoors. This is sort of common sense. Of course an environmentalist feels motivated after spending time in the environment! But its such an important part of who I am, I have to highlight it nevertheless. I may not know exactly what I want to do with my life anymore, but I know I will be making it back to the desert again as soon as possible, and that having intimate moments with mother nature must always be a main thread in the fabric of my life, whether my career or my hobby---nature feeds my soul, which can start to get pretty hungry in a metropolia like San Diego. A genuine joy for the outdoors will always be the defining characteristic of my person---the serenity granted by the desert included. God grant me serenity. God grant me the desert.
If you would measure the quiet majesty, the beauty, the sanctity of the [desert], do it with a two-foot rule. Automobiles,... trail bikes, ATVs or whatever, will get you to the [desert] and through the [desert], but to be a PART of the great sanctuary -- walk. And when you walk, observe, and think. Look thoughtfully at all of the things about you. Ponder over them. They are beautiful, silent. And above all things on earth, they are honest. And they are at peace. Let them remind you that you owe your allegiance not to you and your kind, but to them and their kind, for they are nature.
--Unknown, edited
Beyond the wall of the unreal city, beyond the security fences topped with barbed wire and razor wire, beyond the asphalt beltings of the superhighways, beyond the cemented banksides of our temporarily stopped and mutilated rivers, beyond the lies that poison the air, there is another world waiting for you. It is the old true world of the deserts, the mountains, the forests, the islands, the shores, the open plains. Go there. Be there.
--Edward Abbey
posted by Michelle at 10:00 PM
3 Comments:
Funny, I know just what you are talking about, and it's nice to know as sisters we share a lot of the same emotional places I guess I'll call them, despite their manifesting themselves so differently.
My desert is my books and my studies. My desert is a coffee shop on a rainy day, or a trip to the Washington Monument. My desert is silly activities that seem to be an expression of how lovely life is simply on its own with no additives.
I noticed driving home from Vegas yesterday that I just thought it was beautiful, and I love endless vast spaces. So I think I understand part of the beauty of the desert. And it does look like serenity - it looks like existing instead of struggling.
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Hope you get this Michelle.
I went out to the desert last week, just for the day, on a hike with some friends. I had so many of the same experiences as you. While being out there, I start to question a lot of things. I'm constantly thinking about whether or not I'm in the right major. I love being an art major immensly, but the moment I get out in nature, I realize that that is where my heart is. And wouldn't it be great to spend the rest of my life striving to save this beauty? I thought about how beautiful manmade art is, but how nothing ever compares to nature. Since being in San Diego, I've realized that I took home for granted. I realized how much nature is part of my being. And yet I never give myself enough time to be with it. I'm always too busy to go hiking, too busy to appreciate nature and get out of the city. So when I do, it's like I'm realizing my love all over again. Going out to the desert last weekend was amazing. I wanted to cry, it was so beautiful.
Thought I would share that.
I want to go hiking this weekend. You should come with me. I would really love that.
Always,
Teresa
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